Remember when our president was a Rhodes scholar and could intelligently argue his point of view? If you haven’t had a chance to see Clinton handle Fox News’ Chris Wallace, do yourself a favor and watch these videos.

It’s been awhile since I’ve updated the recommended page on my site, and I figured now is as good a time as any.

Some of these may be so incredibly obvious that you’ll want to take one hand, slap it against your chest, and shout a defiant “no duh!” at your monitor, but hopefully there will be a few recommendations among the lot that you haven’t heard of. So, in no particular order:

Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace: This is my new favorite TV show. It’s brilliant on so many different levels and I’ve been telling everyone I know about it. Here’s what Michael Cera had to say about it, “That show is so good I can’t stand it. Thank you for it, in a major way.” Check out my previous posts for more information. And because this video is great, I’m going to post it again.

The Ricky Gervais Show: The Ricky Gervais Show should really be called The Karl Pilkington Show, as the whole thing is pretty much Ricky and Stephen, who co-wrote and co-directed “The Office” and “Extras,” talking to Karl and getting Karl’s incredibly weird take on things. Karl is amazing. Never has one man been so stupid and so brilliant at the same time. Or so entertaining. You can download the whole first season for free right here.

fourfour: fourfour is my new favorite blog (and the banner had me at hello). It’s the wittiest and best written blog I’ve come across in a long time. If you watch Project Runway and haven’t read fourfour’s recaps, you’re missing out on one of life’s great pleasures. But you don’t have to be a fan of Project Runway to appreciate fourfour, check out his fat camp post, Basic Instinct 2 review, Beyonce/The Beyond, or any of his film reviews. Really, the whole site is genius.

David Grann’s New Yorker pieces: David Grann is currently my favorite writer because of The Squid Hunter and Mysterious Circumstances (part 1, part 2). If you have some free time, sit back and read these amazing works of literary journalism.

ASSSSCAT: If you live in or near Los Angeles or New York, you really owe it to yourself to check out this show. According to the website, Asssscat “starts with a group of improv comedians taking the stage accompanied by a special guest monologist. Some guest monologists are talented celebrities, others are screwed up weirdos. Either way, they usually have great stories to tell. We take a suggestion from the audience, then the show begins. The special guest shares off-the-cuff thoughts, feelings, and personal remembrances inspired by the suggestion. The improvisers in turn use this impromptu monologue as fodder for a series of high octane, balls-to-the-wall improvised sketches that have made this show one of the longest running improv shows in the history of the world.” It’s also the most consistently entertaining live comedy show I’ve been to, and I try to attend every Sunday. It’s also free.

Charlie Kafuman’s Human Nature interview: This is actually a note for note parody of a Paul Thomas Anderson interview about Magnolia, and it’s fucking brilliant. It’s got all of the swearing, all of the enthusiasm, and in place of Fiona Apple, Mercedes Reuhl.

The Office (US): Like I wrote previously, I saw the pilot way back when and hated it, and as a result didn’t give the show much of a chance. I decided to give it another shot and boy am I glad I did. I could watch Jenna Fischer smile all day long. They’ve used a lot of the best elements of the bbc version, but have also branched out in entirely new directions, which makes for a very entertaining show.

Achewood: I consider this to be the best comic ever. And I own every Calvin and Hobbes book. Start at the beginning and be amazed at the hilarity and brilliance of the story lines and characters. This is one of the things I look forward to reading every day and it never disappoints. The Great Outdoor Fight storyline will go down as one of my favorite things in any medium, ever.

Smoky Tempeh Strips: This product has completely changed my eating habits. I now make at least 3 BLT sandwiches a week. Highly recommended for vegans and those who like food that tastes good.

Battlestar Galactica: I’m not the biggest sci-fi fan, but this show is so much more than that. It deals with politics, religion, unrequited love, and human-robot love, just to name a few themes. If you like Philip K. Dick at all, or quality dramas, I recommend this show.

The Wire: Speaking of quality dramas, this show is at the top of the heap. I can’t think of another show on television that respects the intelligence of the viewer more than this program. It’s an angry show that rewards the viewer. Payoffs don’t come at the end of every episode, but at the end of the season. And as the seasons progress, the show just keeps getting richer and deeper.

Take the Money and Run: Woody Allen’s first film is a mockumentary about an incompetent criminal, with Woody in the starring role. I was shocked at how hilarious this film is and how well it ages. This started me up on a serious Woody Allen kick.

Over the years my dad has added to his diction a number of phrases that he has taken from popular culture. He’s pulled from a myriad of sources, and most make me laugh on a regular basis. Here is part one in what is going to be an ongoing list.

“Supwichoo?”

This one was a little hard to figure out. In late 2001 my dad began asking me “Supwichoo?” in a high-pitched voice that I could only guess was his idea of a jive-talking black man. I asked him where it came from, and he couldn’t place it. “Just something I heard,” he told me. After giving it some time, one day it just came to me: the trailer for “A Walk to Remember.”

In case you don’t remember, “A Walk to Remember” tells the tale of Landon Carter, a troubled teen whose life is turned around by a (SPOILER ALERT!) terminally diseased Mandy Moore, who “doesn’t care what people think,” and teaches Landon to do the same. Landon’s popular clique of friends aren’t pleased when he ditches them for the dowdy daughter of a preacher. One of Landon’s friends asks him, “What’s with you, man?” His pronounciation of “with” though, sounds much more like “which.” A quick search online yielded the trailer, and I was able to isolate the line:

The genius of this is that there is no special emphasis placed on the scene, or this line in particular. It’s just business as usual in the trailer world, yet for some inexplicable reason this line stuck with my dad and is how he begins practically every telephone conversation we have.

“Yo Yo”

The Wire is one of the best shows currently on television. It’s a sprawling, angry, novel of a show that has attempted to shine a light on society’s ills while telling the story of police and drug dealers in Baltimore, Maryland. The writers make it a point to have some of the most authentic dialogue on television, and as a result, nearly every “hopper” or drug dealer, greet each other with “yo yo.”

My dad’s usage of this phrase is confined mostly to emails. He’s used this as the subject line of more emails than I can count, and then in an interesting turn, he starts the emails with the exact same phrase.

“Yeaaah. Give him some noise.”

This one dates back about 10 years. Some local bmxers put on a demo in downtown San Luis Obispo and my dad and I attended. The bmxers began the demo by playing Jimi Hendrix’s version of the star spangled banner from a cheap stereo, while they held their hands over their hearts. Then one of the dudes busted out with a super cheap mic/speaker combo and began to hype up the crowd. His enthusiasm was certainly commendable, but he didn’t have a whole lot of material. The phrase he relied on most often was “Yeahhhhh, give him some noise,” after someone performed a trick, which happened quite often over the course of the demo.

I’m not sure how it came about, but over the years this phrase began to be used when either myself or my dad would let out a burp or a fart. It can also be utilized when either one of us has done something commendable, but its main usage is to herald the emittance of gas.

Well, the enthusiasm for my Braff post seems to be dying down finally. Frankly, I’m a little relieved. If I learned anything from it, it was that some people get it and others don’t. And that some people have a very visceral reaction to what was meant to be a humorous post, with photos.

In addition to Samantha’s great comments, about every third person felt the need to point out that Zach Braff did not write the film (I never said he did, though it turns out he actually did write some of it), that it was a remake (I can read by the way, and did so during the credits), or some derivation on the theme that I was “jelous” [sic] of Braff (The Shins never changed my life).

My favorite comments though, were by a few people on Digg that took exception to my use of the word “Jewess,” and felt that this put me firmly in Strom Thurmond territory. I especially enjoyed SgnDave’s take:
“Personally, I think it’s an instance of “true colors shining through.” In the movie, the protagonist (Zach Braff, natch) is Jewish… the fact that he uses “Jewess” to knock down Portman’s character highlights the fact that the author is trying (emphasis: *trying*) not to appear racist. I think it’s clear he is.

It’s no better than calling someone Oriental in a hateful tone… the word itself may not carry a heavy connotation, but the context certainly does.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa. It sounds like someone’s been using their jump to conclusions mat.

Truth be told, I actually had a huge crush on Natalie Portman at age 16, and was convinced I was in love with her and that she would feel the same, since we’re both vegetarians and like Bjork (pretty rare, right?). I even wrote her a letter highlighting these incredible similarities, among others, which I gave to the stage manager of “The Diary of Anne Frank” when she was starring in it. But, and much to my disappointment, she never replied.

Anyway, if you’re here because of the Braff post, thanks for stopping by. If you liked that, I would recommend checking out the rest of the site, in particular my Tourgasm recaps, interviews with famous people, which features what I believe to be the most informative interviews ever about “Arrested Development” with Michael Cera and Alia Shawkat, a chat with Demetri Martin, politics with David Cross, sodomy with Stella, and my collection of found items.

I’d like to take a minute to thank everyone for their kind (and not so kind) comments on my last post. It got read by far more people than I ever expected, and I didn’t have the time to reply to every comment. I crossed my fingers that a few crazy Braffanatics would come out of the woodwork, and sure enough a poster by the name of “Samantha” came through with the goods. I highly recommend reading the whole comment.

Samantha personally attacked me, delved into armchair psychoanalysis (”I also think that you must possess some deep-seated hatred of Zach Braff due to a [sic] some sort of mild psychosis and possibly a dark childhood incident”), and wrapped up her insane, vengeful message with this amazing, ungrammatical wish for my future:

“Perhaps the greatest justice will be when you find yourself on the brink of thirty with your dick on your hand in a state of disaffection on a couch and you don’t even have the option of contemplating your future with someone you love. Here in Hollywood, the land of dreams and make-believe, it’s sunny and beautiful and I think I hear the sound of another twenty-something film being green-lit. Enjoy.”

Oh, I did enjoy, Samantha, but it certainly wasn’t the sound of the closing of film deals that did it for me. It was the batshit crazy words coming out of your fingers that I enjoyed so.

Someone theorized that it was Zach himself commenting, which I really wish were true, but sadly it wasn’t. When people leave comments they have to enter their email address, and Samantha used her real one. A quick search on myspace and I discovered her profile (link removed at the request of Samantha, check the comments section for an amazing reply from her and more info). I was expecting the “Garden State” to be listed as a favorite film, but it was conspicuously absent. What I did find in abundance was “The Last Kiss.” I don’t know if Braff has a street team promoting the film via their myspace profiles, but this is exactly how her profile reads.

Under movies, the first thing Samantha has listed is “The Last Kiss, in theaters September 15- go see it and then buy the dvd in December,” and the last item is “the upcoming theatrical release, The Last Kiss - September 15th.” Wait, when is the release date?

In her “Who I’d like to meet section,” it reads “Any day now, I’m expecting them to walk right through the door. Any day now…” I assumed she was talking about a human being, but it turns out she was writing about a film, an upcoming theatrical release, if you will. Any guess what that film could be? Directly below is a countdown timer for the release date of “The Last Kiss,” and below that is a banner for the film, touting the September 15th release date. Even her headline, “We all make choices. What’s yours?” is the tagline of the film.

If she had seen the “Garden State” maybe Samantha would have heard Braff’s poignant plea for the human race that I will echo now, “Why can’t we just be? If someone wants to point out how my films are similar, just let them be.”

Actually he only said the first part.

I recently saw the trailer for Zach Braff’s new film and was left shocked in my seat. The source of my surprise was that the title of the film was not “Garden State 2: The College Years,” but instead the near meaningless “The Last Kiss.” The credits also informed me that it was penned by the same scribe that gave us “Crash,” aka the most ham-handed film ever inspired by liberal, white guilt, and “Million Dollar Baby.”

At first I thought that Braff must have collaborated on the script, but he has no credit listed. Which is odd, considering the film follows Zach Braff’s 10 Easy Tips for Writing Films About Twenty-Somethings® to the letter.

Check it out:

1. The film’s central character should be an emotionally stunted, disaffected, white man in his 20s, who ponders THE BIG QUESTIONS in life, but doesn’t know where he stands.

2. Major events that inspire the pondering of life, such as a funeral or wedding, are central to the plot.

3. The perfect catalyst for change should come in the form of a small, perky, impossibly cute, dark-haired Jewess, who, for some inexplicable reason, is deeply attracted to the protagonist, despite the fact that his personality is about as exciting as a soggy peanut butter sandwich.

4. The women are always a fount of pseudo new age advice, and feel free to dispense it at will. Some helpful advice could be, “That’s life. If nothing else, it’s life. It’s real, and sometimes it fuckin’ hurts, but it’s sort of all we have.” Or “The world is moving so fast now that we start freaking out way before our parents did, because we don’t stop to breathe anymore.”

5. Kooky friends walk parallel to the protagonist.

6. The protagonist should close his eyes often and meditate on when his life wasn’t ruled by the debilitating pain of wondering how to connect with other people, or whether he should get married and have kids.

7. Sprinkle a liberal amount of shots of the protagonist looking disaffected throughout the film. Maximum disaffection can be attained by casting the eyes downward.

8. Couches are the best type of furniture to be disaffected on.

9. Fill the father role with an Academy Award nominated actor. Then there will always be at least one talented actor in the film.

10. And lastly, turning things on and off looks cool (I learned how to make animated gifs just for this).

In anticipation of Dane Cook’s new HBO special, “A Vicious Circle,” airing tomorrow night, both Salon.com and The Los Angeles Times have decided to weigh in on Dane. The gist of both articles is the same, and nothing we haven’t heard before (or that I haven’t written): Dane is not funny. But both articles are worth reading for their criticism and attempts at explaining Dane’s popularity.

I particularly enjoyed The Times’ description of Tourgasm, “a conspicuously slight and infomercial-like ad to boost Cook’s rabid popularity among college-age fans; the rest was filler, Cook and his three comedian underlings in various states of homoerotic, roughhousing repose.” Homoeroticism and alliteration! Nice job LAT.

Salon’s article includes a bit of info that I had long counted as evidence of Dane’s homophobia and they came to the same conclusion:”..he’s terrible at impressions and when he’s imitating a woman, he inexplicably speaks in a high voice with a lisp, as if he’s doing a homophobic imitation of a gay man.” He’ll even use a limp wrist ocassionally, but maybe they thought that was overstating the case. They go on to succinctly sum up his appeal, “But Cook’s is the sort of non-threatening humor that appeals to people who, when watching Jon Stewart or Jerry Seinfeld, don’t feel like they’re in on the joke. With Cook, you’re always in on the joke.”

I’ve decided to put the text of both articles after the jump so you don’t have to watch any ads or visit bugmenot.

Enjoy the articles:
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Little Richard is one of the guest judges on “Celebrity Duets,” a show that, until now, seemed to have no merit for watching. But whatever Paula was ingesting on American Idol is nothing compared to the hardcore drugs and/or scientology that Little Richard has been huffing. His outbursts are all over the map and sometimes seem to surprise even himself. Just watch the video: