Braffanaticism
I’d like to take a minute to thank everyone for their kind (and not so kind) comments on my last post. It got read by far more people than I ever expected, and I didn’t have the time to reply to every comment. I crossed my fingers that a few crazy Braffanatics would come out of the woodwork, and sure enough a poster by the name of “Samantha” came through with the goods. I highly recommend reading the whole comment.
Samantha personally attacked me, delved into armchair psychoanalysis (”I also think that you must possess some deep-seated hatred of Zach Braff due to a [sic] some sort of mild psychosis and possibly a dark childhood incident”), and wrapped up her insane, vengeful message with this amazing, ungrammatical wish for my future:
“Perhaps the greatest justice will be when you find yourself on the brink of thirty with your dick on your hand in a state of disaffection on a couch and you don’t even have the option of contemplating your future with someone you love. Here in Hollywood, the land of dreams and make-believe, it’s sunny and beautiful and I think I hear the sound of another twenty-something film being green-lit. Enjoy.”
Oh, I did enjoy, Samantha, but it certainly wasn’t the sound of the closing of film deals that did it for me. It was the batshit crazy words coming out of your fingers that I enjoyed so.
Someone theorized that it was Zach himself commenting, which I really wish were true, but sadly it wasn’t. When people leave comments they have to enter their email address, and Samantha used her real one. A quick search on myspace and I discovered her profile (link removed at the request of Samantha, check the comments section for an amazing reply from her and more info). I was expecting the “Garden State” to be listed as a favorite film, but it was conspicuously absent. What I did find in abundance was “The Last Kiss.” I don’t know if Braff has a street team promoting the film via their myspace profiles, but this is exactly how her profile reads.
Under movies, the first thing Samantha has listed is “The Last Kiss, in theaters September 15- go see it and then buy the dvd in December,” and the last item is “the upcoming theatrical release, The Last Kiss - September 15th.” Wait, when is the release date?
In her “Who I’d like to meet section,” it reads “Any day now, I’m expecting them to walk right through the door. Any day now…” I assumed she was talking about a human being, but it turns out she was writing about a film, an upcoming theatrical release, if you will. Any guess what that film could be? Directly below is a countdown timer for the release date of “The Last Kiss,” and below that is a banner for the film, touting the September 15th release date. Even her headline, “We all make choices. What’s yours?” is the tagline of the film.
If she had seen the “Garden State” maybe Samantha would have heard Braff’s poignant plea for the human race that I will echo now, “Why can’t we just be? If someone wants to point out how my films are similar, just let them be.”
Actually he only said the first part.
…does somebody need a tissue?
My theory is that she is an extra or has a bit part in the movie
Maybe she’s an intern blowing some studio exec, and feels she’s being loyal by sticking up for the film?
Check out her companies section…she really is blowing a studio exec
Nice detective work! My theory is that she’s just a delusional human being. Like with the Snakes On A Plane cult, except for crappy movies.
I especially loved the classy move of her on the bar scoping out which douche bad she intends on bringing home that evening. Good call on the MySpace scope! The best movies are home movies. Or porn..
Better acting.
i wanna ponder life while she holds me tight in her arms while we watch “the last kiss”…. I’ll use my tears as lube…then eat rocks and go swimming
You people are all taking this way too seriously.
her silly flamewar comments aside (and disregarding that in one sense or another she is affiliated directly with the film in question), i actually think she had a pretty solid point in her “insane” and “vengeful” message. your whole commentary isn’t with zach braff, it’s with hollywood trying to make movies that speak to twentysomething existential crisis. maybe you don’t suffer from the malaise of wondering why we live in the world we live in, etc., etc. that’s fine. personally i’m pretty skeptical of zach braff myself, but “samantha” has a strong point when she says what you’re criticizing is a hell of a lot bigger and a hell of a lot older than fucking zach braff.
i guess i’m just not sure why your pre-emptive response to countercriticism is that it must be coming from “a few crazy Braffanatics” hiding in “the woodwork.” i myself felt the criticism took a lot of cheap shots at the fact that it’s most likely a hollywood claptrap movie made more by producers than a writer or director. the film wasn’t even written by braff, you say so yourself… yet somehow you find it feasible to hold the actor responsible. don’t get me wrong, i’m with you that the last kiss is almost certainly trying to cash in on garden state’s success, and it’s almost certainly a bad film. but what’s any of this have to do with zach braff? that’s what movie studios have been doing since they were founded almost a century ago.
so i guess my point is: while you’re not wrong, you’re also not novel, and i am left saying the same thing i say when i analyze garden state for philosophical or moral value: “so what? what are you getting at?”
I love how Samantha went directly for your childhood. Combine that with her obvious need for male affection…and come on. Aren’t you projecting, Samantha? Do you have something to tell us about “inappropriate touching” by your uncle that summer before 7th grade?
Great investigative reporting Brian.
She just wants to be fucked. Can’t you read between the lines?
Gotta love the June 12, 06 post:
“I like to whore it up as much as the next girl…seriously, I’m all for whoring it up and I don’t think anyone would disagree.”
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=20469143&blogID=131987493&MyToken=df6fac4a-45e9-494b-ae96-cf07cb6ab5e7
These whores are a dime-a-fuckin-dozen here in LA. Keep whoring baby; at 29 I’m sure you’re gonna make it any day now!
Way too seriously and way to personally. “Yeah, he yelled at her! Rar! We hate Samantha! Ahh!” So what.
Also, I notice that the longer (aka substance) comments are from people who link their name to a blog or (sigh) a MySpace. These are contributers, thank god. Not important, but I wanted to point that out. Cheers.
why did i just read that?
i’m with amelia the airbag on this one. i have read nothing but serious words here. everyone needs to lighten up a bit. no one seems to be having enough fun at this girls expense. you tell ‘em airbag, or should i say….. samantha!
So,this whole site was sent to me by a friend As I read it i relized that whoever wrote this whole “the garden” thing has aolt of time on his hands.I dont know if you are a writer whose script wasn’t picked up or just jelous of Mr.Braff’s success but what it comes down to is Zach Braff can do what he wants in movies.He has earned the right and respect of Hollywood to be in or write whatever he wants. My suggestion would be to stop compairing what an actor you’ve never met is doing and focus on something positive for yourself.
As for the girls comments,while harsh and a little uncalled for,had a point.Why are you so worried about what he is doing?For that matter why did you feel it neccesary to snoop around and dig up all these points about her.SO,she likes the movie and has some things on her myspace about it but it is her myspace.NOt your or mine or anyone elses so what she chooses to put on there is her decision and doesnt deserve to be scorned or rediculed.
Cheers!
As always the imaginations of the general public simultaneously horrify and amuse me. I know it’s silly of me to respond, but I’m a sucker and I can’t help but feel that you’re all just waiting with baited breath. Let me put you out of your misery…
Brian - I had hoped you would enjoy my armchair psychoanalysis. That’s a big disappointment.
The incorrect grammar evident in the prose describing “my wish” for Brian’s future is regrettable, certainly, but I happened upon this blog accidentally, and before I’d had coffee. It’s kind of a lame excuse, but we all make mistakes in life, especially Brian - dude, what is up with the picture of you on the unicorn???
I object to being labeled as batshit crazy and will only cop to being birdshit crazy.
I reserve the right to publish whatever I like on my MySpace profile including information regarding the film “The Last Kiss” (in theaters this Friday, September 15th). I find promotional material for cultural happenings such a film releases are a bit more substantial than posting pictures of myself in a bikini, or even worse, the dreaded mesh boy shorts, like all the whores on MySpace. Forgive me if this has already occurred to you, but you do realize that by pointing out each item on my profile that references “The Last Kiss”, you are providing publicity for the very film that you’ve ridiculed and condemned. As with the trailer for “The Last Kiss”, you have choices, you didn’t have to view my profile, you sought it out. Let me commend you, really great detective work, it’s not like everyone and their fucking mother are on MySpace or anything.
Additionally, by posting a blog, you make a conscious choice to make your contact information available on the Internet. Simply leaving a comment on your blog does not mean that I have made the same choice. I’m sure you posted my MySpace URL to prove some point, but I’m not sure what. It is shocking how uncool that was of you. Let me be very clear: Please remove the link to my profile on MySpace.
And now a word to your misguided followers and fans:
I am not an extra, an actress, nor do I have a bit part in the film.
I danced on the bar at my birthday - big fucking deal. It was fun and I did it again this year, and most certainly will do it again next year. Lighten up. Note: I was not scoping out which douche bag I was going to take home. I already knew what douche bag I was taking home before I got on the bar.
Girls like me don’t blow studio execs, we marry them and than take half of everything they own - California law.
My uncle never tried to fuck me in the 7th grade; however, my aunt did get a little too close for comfort that summer. It’s a joke, dickheads…”Great investigative reporting”…yeah, right up there with Lois Lane.
I can assure you that I do not just want to be fucked, sometimes I like to snuggle, too. On a side note, why is it that women who express their opinions always “want to be fucked”?
I was born and raised here in LA. I grew up in the entertainment industry (I know, I’m so rad blah blah blah). I didn’t come here like the rest of the pathetic silicone, meth-heads from Kansas to “make it big” or be a model/actress/celebutante/reality whore. Besides, I’m more like a Julia Roberts/”Pretty Woman” lovable whore, and as we all know, she cost WAY more than a dime…Don’t you just love that scene where she goes back to the snooty Rodeo boutique and hands the cunty saleswomen their asses?! Shameless plug for “Pretty Woman” even though it’s been out for ten years…
Go see “The Last Kiss”, don’t see it, rent “Garden State” on DVD or don’t, rock “Chocolate” in your car first thing in the morning (Track 1 on The Last Kiss Soundtrack available at Amazon.com from Lakeshore Records) or don’t.
WE ALL HAVE CHOICES. WHAT’S YOURS?
For all of the people who think we all need to lighten up: I couldn’t agree more.
Oh Samantha. I’ve missed you. And you triumphantly return with such an amazing, rambling, crazy, sloppy wet kiss of a reply. I really couldn’t have asked for anything better. I hope your future choices (life is full of them) include commenting on my blog more often. Seriously, you totally won me over when you said that you were “birdshit crazy.”
Speaking of choices, let’s look at some of yours Samantha. I mean really, what are (not is) yours?
You chose to leave a public comment on a blog, give your real email address, and have a publicly viewable profile on myspace. In my book that makes you fair game. I posted a link to your profile for a couple of reasons. The first was that I felt it gave valuable insight into why you would leave a comment like the one you did. And secondly, so that people would know that I was telling the truth and could see it for themselves. Since you have verified the information in this post with your most recent comment, and because you asked me, I have removed the link to your profile.
And lastly, I completely agree with your closing sentiment. People should lighten up.
what a reply. ramble ramble delusion ramble. it deserves it’s own post.
Dude! It was only a post about Zach Braff’s movies! Lighten up!
Oh wait..
Came across your Gardening entry on IMDB. Though I personally liked Garden State, your entry was dead-on and hilarious. And yes, the Last Kiss looks totally like Garden State 2 and seems totally lame. There is an entry in this weeks Entertainment Weekly how Braff is considered by some “the voice of his generation.” Dude, I love Scrubs and I like Garden State and I like Braff — but give me a fucking break already.
Just wanted to share that with you. Oh, and fuck Samantha. What a cunt.
Rock on Samantha, if you’re not a writer of some sort, you’re missing your calling. I can’t help it, I loved Garden State, and will see Last Kiss. They are much more intelligent than watching some dumbed-down teeny-bopper movie, and much less dry than a documentary (which I love). Lighten up, people! They’re just movies!
industry vs audience. i love it.
Oh man, all this is so entertaining…
It’s funny that before the “Gardening”, Brian wrote a blog posting articles slamming Dane Cook, another person who is widely considered “the voice of his generation” (or at least the funniest voice of his generation), and only three people comment. He then posted his views on Zach Braff, and Zach Braff fans come out of the wood-work to rip him to shreds!
Popularity Scale: Zach Braff>Dane Cook? Insanity.
Or maybe people just haven’t really looked around the site…
Just curious what kind of movies Brian Palmer likes. There is too much crap in Hollywood for me to guess.
Here’s a partial list:
Paris, Texas, Repoman, Roadhouse, The Station Agent, Wet Hot American Summer, Until the End of the World, Grey Gardens, Waiting for Guffman, Spinal Tap, Ordinary People, Hands on a Hardbody, Punch-Drunk Love, The Squid and the Whale, The Goonies, Real Genius, Lone Star, Being John Malkovich, The Big Lebowski, Adaptation, Some Like it Hot, American Splendor, Annie Hall, Take the Money and Run, American Movie, Back to the Future, Chinatown, Roger Dodger, In the Mood for Love, River’s Edge, Half Nelson, Grizzly Man, Welcome to the Dollhouse, You Can Count on Me.
What the fuck? no Young Einstein? weak…
Wow. I can’t believe I wasted my time reading this shit.
And then wasted it even further by taking the time to write that absolutely worthless comment. Thanks for adding nothing to the discussion Ames.
Actually I heard a comedian talking about this on the radio one night when I was disaffected and closing my eyes in a random gestalt of meditation, and I am nearly about to not be a thirty something. The comedian said thay when you find out something someone else doesn’t like there is a tendency to wonder if they have leave of their senses.
“You don’t like KFC, are you really my sister?”
“You like country music, have you abandoned all leave of your senses?”
There is a part of me that wants to stand around and yell at these people in the hopes of penetrating their thick skulls where they have either been programmed by alien sponsered scientologists or somehow are channeling their cable country music station through their left molar. But in the end, you have to shrug and say “it takes all kinds.”
The people I get angry at are those who condescend to a person’s preference or observational skills by claiming that “you just can’t understand my point of view” as if they have somehow recently become a member of MENSA and converse on a completely different plane than you do.
In the end, taste is usually the culprit of what movies we like and don’t like and there is no accounting for it.
hide myspace comments only code…
hide myspace comments only code…