I just spent the last forty five minutes searching the google for a screen capture of an obese, drugged-to-the-gills, Anna Nicole Smith, Howard K. Stern, her currently beleaguered and oft-cuckolded attorney, and her personal assistant/sometime make-out partner, Kim Walther, beating the shit out of a bed frame.

This fantastic and frightening tableaux was captured by E!’s cameras in 2002 for the regrettably short-lived “The Anna Nicole Show,” and will remain seared in my brain as the lasting image I have of Anna.

The best part is that the reason her attorney gleefully stabbed the bed with a screwdriver and she and her assistant kicked the frame to pieces, was because some throw pillows, also made by the bed’s designer, Bobby Trendy, were-wait for it-not washable. The unlaunderable pillows pushed Anna, who was already angry with Trendy for a litany of reasons, over the edge. She decided the best way to take out her aggression was to desecrate the largest, and presumably most expensive, item Trendy had produced for her.

“The Anna Nicole Show” captured so many mind-blowing and hilarious moments that it not only redefined Anna for me, but also opened my eyes to the enjoyment reality TV could provide.

I did find a full episode on youtube, though sadly not the one featuring the bed destruction. Above is part one, and here’s two and three.

After seeing a single episode, Anna went from being a svelte, sexy blonde, who actually showed some acting promise in her brief cameo in Hudsucker’s Proxy, to a pilled up, self-described “porker,” who had surrounded herself with a motley group of odd characters that were all, to varying degrees, desperately in love with her.

Smith in 1993. Later that year she would be crowned Playmate of the Year.

Kimberly Walther, Smith’s personal assistant, displays her Anna tattoo during “The Anna Nicole Show” years.

After two seasons it became painfully obvious that the show’s producers had run out of hoops for Anna to jump through (such as renewing her driver’s license, going on radio shows, and taking her dog to a psychic), and the waning ratings led to cancellation. For me, that’s when Anna stops.

I had decided that I was not going to pay any attention to the media circus surrounding her death, but last night I caught a video on Countdown with Keith Olbermann that, much in the same way Anna did, totally blew my mind.

Please allow me to introduce the man conducting the trial regarding who gets Smith’s body, Judge Larry Seidlin, proud graduate of Brooklyn’s Hunter College, and King of the Non Sequiturs.

This dude’s amazing. His courtroom demeanor, appearance, and constant quips bring to mind a younger, less funny, Larry David. Here’s just a few of the quotes he let fly in court:

“I jogged almost four miles this morning—my head’s as clear as a bell.”

“Let’s face it. Money is the root of all evil. Am I right?”

“Don’t use that term. It turns me off.”

“The wheels of justice aren’t always round, they’re sometimes square. It’s like the Old West. It’s a bumpy ride.”

Anna, I will miss you. Thanks for all the memories and for bringing Larry Seidlin into my life. We will meet someday on the rainbow bridge.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 22nd, 2007 at 4:43 pm and is filed under videos, general. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.