I saw Curb Your Enthusiasm’s Jeff Garlin Saturday night at The Tomorrow Show. He told some stories about his life, including a hilarious chunk on “ingenues.” He has a very enjoyable conversational style that makes it seem like he’s just this funny friend who tells you stories about his life. You can download his set here.

Later in the evening, comedian Mary Van Note decided that she needed some help telling a joke and enlisted me to be her helper. I hesitantly went onstage, where I helped Mary put a dog collar around her neck, attached a leash to it, and then, at her provocation, spanked her.

I knew Mary was going to choose me. Earlier I had said hello to her, and when I saw her scanning the front row, I had a feeling I knew who she was going to choose. And I wasn’t wrong. But I had no idea where it would lead. I certainly didn’t think that I would end up onstage, lights blinding me, holding a leash in one hand while the crowd goaded me on to roughly spank Mary’s derriere with the other.

It got a little uncomfortable near the end, which is a testament to Mary’s committal, but was also due to the fact that I have a hard time spanking women onstage in front of people. As a result I had to leave the stage and seek out my spot on the porch with the little dogs. If you have any interest in hearing this moment in time, you can download that here.

And as part of my weekly reminder system, I’m going to be on kbeach.org from 1-3 pm pst Tuesday (yes, today) playing some music and talking about the crazy people in my classes. Feel free to tune in and listen.

I saw ASSSSCAT tonight and guess who showed up? That’s right, Amy Poehler!

She was accompanied by 2/4 of UCB, Ian Roberts and Matt Walsh. I was disappointed we couldn’t get Matt Besser and a straight 4 for 4, but hey, the show was free.

Poehler, Roberts and Walsh came out first and talked to the audience for awhile and asked if anyone was on a date. One woman raised her hand. Roberts then made a comment about how when you’re on dates you have to hide all your problems and/or mental illness. The woman clarified that she and her date had been married for 3 weeks. Everyone gave them a round of applause and then Walsh yelled at the staff to go get them a 20 dollar bill from the cash register. A crisp 20 dollar bill arrived shortly and the couple was very surprised and happy. Then Bon Jovi started playing and Amy lip-synced to it. The crowd was totally hyped up and then the rest of the performers came out and killed.

Dear Miranda,
I saw you Saturday night at The Tomorrow Show wearing your nurse shoes, with your crazy hair, all looking cute, talking to your boyfriend Mike Mills, and I wanted to introduce myself, but you seem really awkward and I didn’t want things to be weird between us. Isn’t that kind of strange to be a performance artist and still be awkward on and off stage?

Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I loved your movie and that one of the best things to come out of it was Brandon’s blog entries that you would post on your blog. I especially liked his poem about San Francisco. My favorite lines were “The cable cars are really cool/If you don’t like them you are a fool/, I went there when I was 5 now I am 7/San Francisco the city is heaven!” I mean, does it really get any better than that?

I was going to ask you how your tap-dancing was going, because the last time I saw you at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art you were trying to learn. You even had someone in the audience show you some moves, and despite your clumsiness, you were able to get it down. It was really cute.

And I guess if we’re going to be upfront about all this, I should tell you that I enjoyed the performance you did at The Tomorrow Show. You did kind of lie and say you didn’t have a boyfriend anymore, which gave me some hope. But then again I saw you with MM earlier in the evening. So what’s the deal with that? Were you lying for your art, or was your art just a lie? Either way, I’d still tell you that I like all the belts you wear with your stripey shirts and that if you wanted to be my benefactor, I’d let you. Maybe I’ll see you around now that we both live in the same area.

143,
Brian

Man, it’s a Zach overload today. First don’t forget that his show, “Dog Bites Man,” premieres on Comedy Central tonight at 10:30. Secondly he was interviewed by AST Radio, which you can listen through that link or download directly here. Zach also recorded a song called “Guts” with Jon Brion and Fiona Apple that’s going to be used on “Dog Bites Man.” Download that here. And if all that wasn’t enough, how’d you like to hear a live mp3 of him from last night? Keep in mind that this was recorded at a benefit show for a dude named Vance who had a fucked up prostate, and that Zach came onstage with crutches. Listen here.

Well, I’m now a resident of Southern California. I’m not quite sure how I feel about that yet. Hot, I think. Physically. Because it’s fucking warm here and I’m used to San Francisco weather. Anyway, there will be more posts now that I’m settled and have tapped into all the wireless connections floating around in the ether here.

But you want to know what one of the nicest things about living here is? For 5 dollars you can see

Sarah Silverman

Paul F. Tompkins

and

Doug Benson

Like I did last night. I’m not the biggest Sarah Silverman fan, and truth be told, I laughed maybe four times during her concert film, “Jesus is Magic,” but I recently saw the pilot for her upcoming Comedy Central show, and it was really great. You may recognize Paul F. Tompkins from “Mr. Show” as well as “Best Week Ever,” which Doug Benson is also on. Anyway, all three are great comedians and headline shows all the time, so to see them all on one bill was a nice treat. And speaking of treats, here are their sets:
Sarah
Paul
Doug

That’s Demetri Martin. He’s “The Daily Show’s” trendspotter, an amazing comedian, and also someone I interviewed.

Here’s a segment of his from “The Daily Show.”

Dude’s also a budding filmmaker. He wrote and starred in a little watched short film called “12:21″ (the guy’s into palindromes) that aired on the BBC awhile back. The film also stars Fred Armisen of SNL, Leo Allen, Eugene Mirman, and a ton of other New York comedians. Through some back channel internet sources I got ahold of it. And I uploaded it for you good readers. Download it here. Enjoy.

And because no one asked for it, here’s a live MP3 I recorded of Demetri being interrupted by Doug Benson. And here’s Doug’s set.