In order:
Special Grand Jury Prize for Most Depressing Film To Watch While Unemployed:
Not a great year for film. I saw less movies this year than any I can recall.
*Special note to Charlie Kaufman: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.
“I have a pessimistic view of relationships. My view has always been that you talk about it with your friends, you scheme, you plot, and you see psychoanalysts. You see marriage counselors, get medicated, do everything they can, but in the end you have to luck out. It’s complete and total luck. You have all these exquisite needs, some woman has all her exquisite needs, and the odds of all those wires going together are very, very slim. If one of those wires is not there then it gets annoying and she gets dissatisfied, you get dissatisfied. So, to get it all clicking in is a very happy accident. It does happen to people, because there are so many people in the world, which statistically a certain amount of them luck out. They meet someone, fall in love, they are happy with that person, no real friction, but its luck. This is my observation of it, this can be argued, but if you ask me I would say that’s what I’ve learned. All the advice, planning, self help books, anything you do, dating services, you’ve got to get lucky. If you do it’s great. Some people do, but you can see by the divorce rate, the amount of relationships people go through, and the amount of people in unhappy relationships but stay together because of inertia, because of children, fear of loneliness… there are very few really wonderful ones. You have to get lucky.”
Due to POPULAR DEMAND and COLD CLIMES, I have decided that my beard shall return. After a week of growth, it appears that a robust orange fungus is creeping up my neck, taking over my face and ending its wrath atop my ears.
IT WILL LOOK BETTER SOON.
That is all.
For years my beard has been a barrier between myself and inclimate weather, savage razors, and the attention of women I would rather not speak to. But no longer! After deciding I wanted to see what my face looked like, I sheared the beard.
Since shaving my beard, I’ve been catcalled twice, asked for my id more times than I can recall, and most recently a Mexican man stared at my crotch for an extended period of time. Admittedly, I was wearing spandex at the time (What? I’m a serious cyclist. Get over it), but this increased attention is something I’m not used to.
Frightened Rabbit-The Midnight Organ Fight
I don’t think I’ve fallen so hard for a Scottish voice since The Proclaimers proclaimed they were over and done with it. Jesus, how have I not heard of this sooner? Sappy, melodic indie rock has been my bread and butter ever since I discovered depression back in high school. And here, for months, this band has been cranking it out, unbeknownst to me. Well, the fog has lifted, the songs have set, and I’m riding the wave of bummer music to the very end.
And while I still have time left, I’m going to call it: The Modern Leper is this year’s “Funeral.”
I recently interviewed Claire Hoffman, one of my favorite writers. We discussed a number of topics, including the current state of journalism, her favorite writers, and what’s on her syllabus. If you haven’t read her profile of Joe Francis, I would recommend doing so immediately. It’s fantastic.
Anyway, here’s a bit more on Claire from the intro: Claire Hoffman rose to prominence while at the Los Angeles Times after an article she wrote on Joe Francis, the impresario behind Girls Gone Wild, was published in 2006. "Baby, Give Me A Kiss" is bold and daring, graphic, and deeply personal in a way not normally seen at the Times. It begins with Francis holding Hoffman’s arms behind her back against her will, pushing her face against a car, and yelling wildly. From there the reader is given a first hand tour through the seedy universe of Francis. It became an instant sensation on the internet, amassing more hits than any other article in the Los Angeles Times‘ history. Since then, Hoffman has waded through the world of polygamist Mormons for Portfolio, spent a night at Amy Winehouse’s flat for Rolling Stone, and most recently had soup with Prince for The New Yorker. She is currently a contributing editor to Rolling Stone, and an Assistant Professor of Journalism at UC Riverside.
I just recently discovered a website that allows you to take any mp3 and make it into a ringtone. I’m just getting warmed up, but so far I’ve made two that I think are worth listening to and/or using.
The first is the appropriately titled “Phone Call” by Jon Brion, off of the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind soundtrack. Click here to listen and/or download.
And the second is a song that was stuck in my head for weeks after watching the following video:
Sometimes just the thought that my president and I share the same favorite TV show makes me happy.
Natasha Leggero
Sunset Junction
Astute readers may remember Ms. Leggero as a member of my crush worthy harem of ladies. Normally I would be too intimidated to speak to Natasha, but on Halloween I imbibed a bottle of white wine in the space of about ten minutes and miraculously all of my fears melted away. When Natasha randomly walked by me on the street I knew exactly what I had to do. Full hearts, drunk minds can’t lose!
I yelled her name.
Loudly.
Natasha turned around, finding a bearded man in maternity wear, and instead of turning foot and running, she came to me. Surprisingly, enough synapses were firing properly in my brain, for I was able to explain who I was and hold forth on a number of topics. I even briefly danced the dance of The Snuggler, to demonstrate who I was. Then the repartee came to an all too brief end as a taxi cab pulled up and I was whisked away from her.
Andre Royo
UCB on Franklin
BUBS! Holy shit, what do you say to this guy? Bubs and a friend were walking around outside the UCB, trying to get into the Jeff Garlin Combo platter show with Patton Oswalt and Sarah Silverman. They didn’t appear to have much luck, but as soon as the line started to move they were ferried inside. I ended up sitting four seats away from Bubs and can say that he seemed to be quite the laugher. As I was leaving he was standing by the bathroom and I was tempted to say, “Good to see you sober, Bubs,” but instead smiled and went on my way.
Jessy Schram
UCB on Franklin
According to her myspace page, in addition to an apparently outsized ego, “Jessy possesses an intangible star quality rarely seen, with beauty, intelligence and talent that is readily apparent, but not intimidating, and which appeals to young and old alike.” She has guest starred on “Veronica Mars” (which was why I recognized her) and a number of TV shows and also makes really, really crappy, radio friendly music. In person I have to say that the star quality was not quite as strong, nor as readily apparent, as her biography would have you believe. She did say excuse me when she asked to walk by, so kudos for good manners!
Michael Peña
The Echo, Sunset, basically all over Silverlake
I recognized this guy from his brief stint on “The Shield” while at The Echo and gave him his proppers for holding his own against Walton Goggins. I fear that he may have taken my innocuous compliment for more than it was, because ever since then he has become a constant presence in my life. After moving to Silverlake, I’ve learned that I can count on two things in this world: 1. The sun will always rise in the east, and 2. No matter whether I’m riding my bike, going to shows, restaurants, etc, Michael Peña will be there. He has become my rock. My latino hipster that I can always count on to come through with a warm smile, good cheer, and a doff of his Newsies cap.
Adam Scott
Gelson’s grocery on Highland
The first thing I thought when I saw this guy was “I saw your prosthetic penis on ‘Tell Me You Love Me,’” but it didn’t seem like an appropriate thing to say. I wish I had seen “Stepbrothers” at that point, because I would have been tempted to yell, “Dane Cook’s on Pay-Per-View in 15 minutes!” Seemed like a nice guy.
