This weekend I watched six episodes of G.I. Joe. I haven't watched that cartoon since the mid 80s. I can't remember exactly when I became enamored of the Joes, but it was somewhere around that time. I collected a lot of them, traded them, took apart their lower halves and swapped legs with others.

The cartoon is what fueled many kids to collect and enjoy G.I. Joe. While I wasn't the most particular viewer of cartoons, I like to think of myself as being a somewhat astute cartoon watcher. After this weekend's viewing I can finally see how very wrong I was.

There were many problems I had with the show watching it as a 22 year old:

I didn't remember what incredibly bad shots everyone is on the show. No one ever gets shot. Not once. Over the 3 hours of shows that I watched, every single laser that is fired does not hit a person. G.I. Joe is supposed to be an elite task force developed to stop C.O.B.R.A., yet it seems no one was ever trained in marksmanship. But you must have some sort of action, so during the air battles many planes get hit, but luckily only the tail end. Before the plane has a chance to blow up and kill the pilot, the eject button is hit and you get to see the pilot floating away to safety in his parachute. In fact, the show almost makes it a point to show Joe and C.O.B.R.A. soldier alike ejecting from their flaming plane of doom, lest any child assume that the pilot did not eject in time and was in fact killed.

Almost every member of C.O.B.R.A. enjoys telling their whole plan to any captured Joe they can get their hands on. C.O.B.R.A. commander is especially guilty of this. The man just seems to revel in explaining every last detail of his elaborate schemes to rule the world to any Joe who will listen. Invariably the Joe ends up escaping or being rescued, then relays the commander's plans to his superiors. You would think C.O.B.R.A. commander would know better after a few times of having his plans foiled after telling the Joes, but he just keeps on spilling his goddamn guts. This has led me to believe that the commander is actually a very lonely man. All of his subordinates are used to his crazy schemes and barely bat an eyelash when he tells them about a plan like sending satellites into space that will then shoot mutating rays on earth, turning everyone into a snake. This is old hat to everyone in C.O.B.R.A., but not the Joes. They get incredibly riled up and call him names like, "Scurvy Dog" (spoken by Shipwreck). Instead of being insulted, the commander only laughs maniacally and leaves the Joes to die in an elaborate trap that they can easily escape.

How does C.O.B.R.A. get all its funding?

If everyone has dogtags with their real names and everyone seems to know everyone else's real name, why must everyone's code name be used? Also, does one choose their own code name, or is there someone else who chooses it? How is "Lady Jane" a code name? And more importantly, are the writers trying to be ironic by naming the only Native American on the show "Freedom"?

The show inevitably raised many questions, mostly plot driven, yet some existential. I started to ask myself if I would fight for my country. But then something dawned on me. The show is ultimately trying to tell us that the war on terror is futile. The evidence was right there in front of me the whole time, yet I never had the right perspective to see it before. The Joes are telling us that we may be able to foil terrorists plans, but they'll keep on truckin'. We may be able to hit their planes with guided missles, but after a direct hit, they'll simply hit the red eject button and be on their way, ready to yell C.O.B.R.A. and advance terror another day. George Walker Bush, I implore you to watch some episodes of G.I. Joe, our country's future depends on it.

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